The Kinsey Sicks

Winnie

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Winnie had conventional parents. In fact, they attended conventions all the time. It was at an Amway Convention that they abandoned her. Luckily she was come upon and taken in by a band of radical lesbian tupperware ladies who raised her as one of their own pups. She learned their ways, romping and tumbling with the other tupperlings of the herd, until they lay in a satisfied pile, smiling and burping (their tupperware).

For relaxation, she enjoys mah jongg, macrame and alphabetizing her recipes. Winnie briefly headed a lesbian separatist clogger troupe, but found it too arduous to clean the footprints off her antique dhurrie rugs. She is currently awaiting publication of her new Passover cookbook entitled I Can't Believe It's Not Chometz!

Rachel

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Although Rachel's parents told her that she was born in a manger, the truth is that she was conceived in one. Nonetheless, she was born with mange, which is good enough for her.

Rachel caught her first break in show biz as a masseuse for John Travolta. With his help, and the assistance of a legally-binding confidentiality agreement, she landed a starring role in the national tour of "Two Girls One Cup: The Musical" with co-star Ann Coulter. Now that Rachel is with the Kinseys, she has gone viral, but she is taking acyclovir. She will soon be the host of a new TV show, "Pole Dancing with the Stars," on Fox.

Rachel is an activist. She is the founder and director of the militant animal rights group, Free the Scabies. She is widely sought after for her inspirational lectures on topics such as "Desperation: An Underrated Tool in Dating" and "Eat Me: You Bring the Spoon"

Rachel wishes to extend her love and gratitude to anyone who will have sex with her.

Trixie

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Not much is known about Trixie's early life, and frankly she prefers it that way. Although she has enjoyed a multifaceted career as a gorgeous Caucasian American, a really gorgeous African American, and a somewhat unbelievably gorgeous Asian American, she has never allowed the complexity and depth of her character or her racial reassigment surgery come between her and her many admirers.

During her rare moments of leisure, Trixie can be found at Tiffany and Bergdorf's in the company of handsome (and generous) gentlemen. She has never married, and is addressed simply as "Trixie". As she has reminded her less glamourous Kinsey colleagues, great ladies of the stage and screen (Beyonce, Madonna, Lassie) find surnames superfluous.

Trampolina

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Born on a mountaintop in Tennessee and hitting every rock on the way down, Trampolina fell into show business by accident. Well, by an accident. At age four, she was already an accomplished comedienne with her sister Benzadrina in a duo team called Ham n' Cheese. During one fateful performance, Benzadrina fell asleep doing a tightrope act with a baby grand piano. Fortunately for the piano, Trampy happened to be underneath it all to break the piano's fall. And her leg. While recovering in the hospital and trying to remember who she was, Trampolina began humming the tune the piano made when it crashed. It was then and there she discovered a passion for music.

When she's not touring with The Kinsey Sicks and carrying all nine pieces of Trixie's luggage, Trampolina spends most of her days in a trailer park outside of Belton, Missouri waiting for Maury Povich to call her and tell her she IS the mother of a bastard child she conceived one spring break in Cancun.